Your Unknown Support!

I was just going to reply to Erika and Sebastien's comments about my Oatmeal blog... However then I began to dig a little deeper into what my reply was going to be and realized that I'd like to share a little more in a larger reply/ new post.  

In reply, I begin...

It is truly amazing how in such a short time I feel like I have been able to begin to "take advantage" of the smallest things in this program that have made me more optimistic and look at the smallest things in my day that make me happier and more ready for the challenges ahead of me... Getting the news about my placement in the Ukraine was one of those light bulb moments for me. Although people have told me that I am by nature an optimistic and positive person to be around, I have never really felt that I have been conscious of these personal attributes that I hold. Which brings me back to my light bulb moment with reading about my placement; I feel that having to go through that process and see the good in my future challenges in this program really made me more conscious of my own optimism and positivity. I feel that I have since been able to see the small things in my day (like the oatmeal packets) that have helped me through different challenges that I have since faced. It was through this process of bringing forth these characteristics that I held that I was able to be confident in a very hard decision that I had to make in order to be happy with myself and my experience in this program. Just two weeks ago I was faced with a challenge that really struck me to the core, I had to decide what type of experience I wanted from this program, and this meant questioning how involved I wanted to be. I had come to realize that I had just taken on too much in my fourth year and was trying to put 100% of myself into all aspects of my life: being a 4th year full-time student, having 2 part-time jobs (working 20 hours a week), being a long distance girlfriend, daughter and sister, fundraising in my home town, as well as trying to make it to every Beyond Borders meeting and fundraising event.... I was maxing myself out and it was only 2 weeks into the second semester. Something had to give, but what? I had to weigh my options and determine what was going to allow me the space to be myself, be happy and give myself fully to a program that I had waited 3 years to apply to... 

Which brings me to another amazing experience I have had during my time in this program, I have found many pleasures in getting to know each person that I have met through this program, which goes to say that Everything Happens for a Reason. I am a true believer in this saying and I have found people in this program with spirits that I have never come across in all the groups of people I have met over the years. It has been through meeting all of the individually amazing people that has helped me through some very hard decisions that I have made in the last couple weeks (although you may not even know it!!!). 

Some people may wonder why talking about being optimistic, positive and how I feel about the people in this program has any real significant link to one another... But it all comes together in the form of support. The type of support that I feel doesn't even have to be said in words or expressed with gestures, a support that one can believe in because I can see the beauty of passion and love in each and every one of the people in this program, a beauty that is individual in nature. It was through this 'unknowing' support that the decision to let something go this semester to be able to fully experience this program became a positive experience and a decision that was much easier to make because of each and every one of the 13 people in the Beyond Borders program. 

 

Messages from My Oatmeal... and My First Day at The Working Centre!

Here is the original post that I had to rewrite due to my computer issues!

It was the morning of Monday January 31^st and I was getting ready for my first day at the Working Centre, I was nervous for a couple of reasons: The first reason was that I had decided to take the bus (by myself) to the Working Centre instead of drive, and I have never taken the bus anywhere by myself. This was a little anxiety provoking as I was unsure what bus would get me where I needed to go. However, I am a firm believer in being as prepared as possible, so I looked up where I needed to go and how I planned on getting there before I left the house. This lowered my anxiety a little, but because I was not 100% that I was going to get on the right bus I decided to ask someone at the bus stop, and they actually told me a quicker way to get where I needed to go. I am definitely not afraid to ask for directions, which I believe will get me far in my travels this summer. Asking for directions is one of those things that I have Never had a problem with... I think it’s because I have ZERO sense of direction so I get lost A LOT, and this means calming yourself down and either stopping and asking for directions, stopping somewhere that sells maps and just figuring it out for yourself, or (and my favourite) just continuing to drive, enjoying the ride and realizing that you’ll figure it out at some point! But anyway, back to why I was nervous that day, the second reason was that it was my first day at a new volunteer placement with new people. This was making me nervous because I was kind of questioning whether I had picked the right volunteer placement for myself... these thoughts were going through my head before I had even had breakfast.

So I moved my morning along and while I was eating my Peaches and Cream Oatmeal I was reading the information on the little packets, they have a section called ‘Tips for a Happy Heart’. I usually eat two packets of oatmeal, the first one said “Be an eternal optimist”, I started thinking about my current situation that morning with the bus and first volunteer day and decided to put on a happy face and look at both of these things as new adventures! I was now in the mindset that this was going to be a new and exciting day. Then I read the second oatmeal packet and it said “Never underestimate your capacity for change”, well this definitely changed my mood. Now it wasn’t just my face that was smiling, it was my heart too! In that small amount of time I had accepted a signal that day that changed my mood of anxiety into excitement and changed my whole view on my upcoming day, before I had even left the house. Now, I like to think that these are two things that I try to keep in mind everyday, no matter the challenges I am up against, but I have since decided to post these on my desk just as little reminders so that I don’t forget!

I had made it to the Working Centre in one piece and without any troubles; I walked into Maurita’s Kitchen and asked the first person I saw if I could speak to Tracey... I explained who I was and why I was there (she wasn’t aware that I was coming that day... but I just went with it!) and right away she started me on a cooking project. I liked this getting down to work business. If I had a question I asked anyone that was close by and got myself acquainted with the kitchen. While I was at my work station I introduced myself to some people and we chatted about why we were there, some people were volunteering, while others were there for co-op. It was a very neat experience to be a part of such a diverse group of people (in a kitchen no less). I was happy to do whatever needed to be done, even if it went beyond my comfort level. There are not too many things that I don’t feel I can adapt to, but one thing that I know gives me a little bit of the uneasy feeling is that of cleaning dishes... I know it may seem small, but I may have a little bit of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) when it comes to cleaning dishes. So, instead of just jumping in and taking over the cleaning part, I decided to step back and do some of the drying. I realize that to some people this may seem a little odd, but there is a tight feeling that I get when I see other people washing dishes, because I just want to get in there and do it myself so that I know 100% that those dishes are clean and ready to be used because they have been washed properly. I feel that this was a good learning experience for me because I need to be able to adapt to the way things are done and accept that not everything is going to be done exactly how I would do it myself.

All in all, I ended up having a Great experience getting myself to and back home from a new place using a new type of transportation, and most importantly I was able to jump into my new volunteer placement with both feet and really had a great experience with a new group of people!!

      

Why I HATE Technology...

I will begin by saying that this will be a shorter blog for the fact that I am so beside myself by what has just happened to me that I cannot bring myself to REWRITE my original blog that I was going to post 3 minutes before I am now writing this rant of frustration.

My original post was about my first day at The Working Centre and how the morning went from me being nervous about taking the bus by myself for the first time and starting a new volunteer placement to then having a new look on the day after reading an Oatmeal Packet, all before I had even left the house. I had also discussed some personal boundary issues around washing dishes that I was able to set aside and deal with at the Working Centre. All of this may seem a little vague and none descriptive, and this because I plan on posting this blog when I am able to put myself back in that place to write it again. I explain this situation because as I was going through my blog to edit it and post it, my laptop froze and literally started deleting my entire blog LETTER by LETTER from the very beginning to the very end. As soon as I saw this starting to happen I started yelling "NO, NO, NO... STOP, STOP" and I was clicking on different things on the screen and trying so hard to get it to stop, and when it did my entire 2.5 page blog was wiped clean just as if I had opened a new blank document. From my yelling my roommates came running out into the kitchen to look at my screen, they had known something bad had happened just by the look on my face. I just sat down and took a huge sigh and said that it had deleted my entire blog, my one roommate looked at me and said "that one you were just finishing?" my response in a very sad, disappointed voice replied "yea, the one I was just about to post". They tried clicking on things and pressing undo and telling me that maybe it was still saved and that it wasn't gone for good. I had waited and tried to click on it and hope that it unfreezes, but I am so afraid that if I restart my computer it will have deleted it for good. So although this not even Close to how amazing and cathartic my original blog was (as my stomach begins to ache and feel sick) this is the blog that I am now left with because technology has failed me today. This will bring on another rant about technology later as this experience has opened a can of worms. But for tonight I am just so upset that something I was really excited about just disappeared into the world of technology space, I cannot truly write another blog right now.

Until next time... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.........................................